John McCain Speaks: The Joe the Plumber Diaries

In case you missed the Final Presidential Debate last night, I have excerpts from the transcript for your reading pleasure:

But, my friends, will this help Joe the Plumber? That is the new standard for American decision making, my friends.
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My friends, I resent the implication that my supporters are not honorable and patriotic Americans who love their country and hate higher taxes and class warfare and don't care about the "health" of pregnant mothers. I just won't stand for it, my friends. It's not fair, and Barack Obama should repudiate any comments that hurt my feelings. 'Cause that's just mean, my friends, and Barack Obama is a big meanie!
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John McCain knows how to reprocess nuclear fuel. And it will create millions of jobs! American jobs! He knows how to do it, my friends!
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All this talk about the "health" of the economy, my friends, that's such an elastic term, you know. My friends, I know how to make jobs! American jobs, my friends! Millions of American jobs! And no wealth will have to be spread around, because you're rich, my friends, you're rich! And that's why we have to cut the capital gains tax and lower taxes on investors by buying up bad mortgages so house prices will go back up so high people will be have to sell their houses and move into refrigerator boxes because we're going to give you a tax credit that will allow you to have a voucher to pick your child's school in a state with the lowest health insurance coverage and we'll tax the other guy's premiums to pay for it as soon as we freeze government spending after we finish authorizing more money for the war in Iraq which I know how to win, my friends! Because otherwise we'd have class warfare, my friends, and Joe the Plumber doesn't want that.