Work With Me, Here 🦃

 

The author of this tweet admits this is a "Scrooge-prized-poultry-on-Christmas-morning-sized sumbitch." All part of the ongoing conversation prompted by Jason Chaffetz. But I’m wondering: what army are these people feeding?

If I read the label correctly, that’s a 30 lb. bird. Back to my fairly standard size oven, I don’t think I could get that in within a roasting pan (I had a virtually construction steel grade, I mean like rebar, rack at one time. Much sturdier (and bigger) than I ever needed. I’d need that rack back, and the pan that held it; and even then, there’s the capacity of my oven…)

Not to mention my kitchen. I cook turkey now by temperature probe (I cannot recommend it highly enough), but my rule of thumb is to roast at 350F for 15 (give or take) minutes per pound.

Which means this prehistoric monster would be in the oven for 7.5 hours.  Minimum. I’m guessing it would take longer. To even begin to serve by midafternoon, I’d have to put it in no later than 7 am day of.  A few hours earlier, actually, as I’d need the oven for other purposes.

Who the hell spends 8 hours roasting a turkey?🦃 And why?

Okay, okay, I’m sure the “why” depends entirely on circumstances, and I’ve smoked turkeys for 6-8 hours (or more). Although smoking that beast would probably take 24…

I’m just…shit, that’s a lotta bird.

I’ll stick with 14 pounders, thanks. If I’m feeding more people than that, they just get less turkey per person.

Nowt so queer as folk, indeed.

(Yes, I’m ignoring frying it. A pot that big with that much oil and heat to cook it is a sure way to burn your house down for the insurance money.)