...because I'm too tired to think.
Ads. Didn't see absolutely every one of them, but the stand outs were the truly bad ones. Back when ads were getting "edgy" to appeal to "younger viewers" (more and more of those every year, it seems), there were clunkers that seemed offensive just to be offensive (because offensive=edgy; or something).
Now edgy is being replaced by maudlin?
Dove won if only because it came on before Nissan's ad (and you can see all the ads I mention here). A montage of "Dad" scenes so affecting I almost started tearing up (especially the ones with little girls saying "Daddy!" Or maybe it was the beer. Yeah, that's it; the beer). Just when you think you'll need an insulin shot, or at least have to check your blood sugar, and you're sure this is a Hallmark Card ad or a PSA, you find out it's about Dove's Men Care line of products, because...men care.
Seriously. That sound you hear is the transmission falling out of your car at 70 mph.
Nissan would have won the boobie prize except, as I say, they ran after the Dove ad. The Nissan ad went on so long (I think it was the full version of "Cat's in the Cradle," but if it wasn't, it seemed to be), with shots of a race car dad fulfilling every bitter syllable of that song, that nothing could have saved it in the end. But the ending was bizarre: Dad finally shows up, apparently in a Nissan (you find that out by the logo at the end) to pick his kid up from school at, what, 10:00 p.m. ? It didn't seem the kid was out dancing or clubbing, so why was it so dark when Dad got there? Jr. goes to night classes in high school? And anyway, this makes me want a Nissan because....?
Nationwide wins for grimmest image I'll never get out of my mind: a huge (must be 50" or better) flat screen TV fallen off a stand, supposedly pulled over by the young child beneath it, who is pancaked so flatly the TV is resting solidly on the floor. The kid went through the floor? The kid is disintegrated by the massive flat screen? Even putting a mannequin under there would have been too grim? I dunno, but it was mighty disturbing. Made me think I should bolt the TV to I-beams and set those in concrete through holes in the floor before my daughter gets around to bringing grandkids home. And she's not even married.
It was that disturbing.
The rest were just stupid. I didn't even realize that was Kate Upton in those "Game of War" ads. Her acting/voicing is so bad I figured it was some nameless blonde hired for her implants. The Snickers ad was cute: once. I'm afraid I'll see it ad nauseum now. The rest left no impression, except the Budweiser horse/dog ads just get more and more threadbare.
And I still can't get over that pass call on second down on the 1 with 1 minute left to play. I don't think I'll ever get over that; and I didn't even really care who won.