Thursday, February 01, 2007

The Democracy Now! Interview

Because as much as I love Molly's words, I loved them in her voice even more.

I mean, I can just hear her saying this:

"The rest of the country is in future shock and in Texas we can't get Curtis' Clean Crapper bill through the Legislature. Curtis Graves is a state representative from Houston who introduced a bill to provide minium standards of cleanliness in public restrooms in this state. It was defeated. Solons rose on the floor of the House to defend dirty johns. The delights of peein' against the back wall after a good whisky drank were limned in excruciating detail. In New York City, Zero Mostel gets up on a stage and prances around singing "Tradition!" while the audience wets itself with nostalgia. In America, the rate of change shifts from arithmetic to geometric progression. In Texas, where ain't nothin' sanitized for your protection, we will peein' against the back wall.

"What this country really needs, along with a new government, is a stiff dose of Texas. Things still are the way they used to be down here, and anybody who thinks that's quaint is welcome to come dip into the state's premier product. Like Johnny Winter sings, 'They's so much shit in Texas/you bound to step in some.' "

"I love the state of Texas, but I regard that as a harmless perversion on my part and would not, in the name of common humanity, try to foist my pathology off on anyone else. Texas is a dandy place, in short spells, for anyone suffering from nausee de Thruway Hot Shoppe. It is resitant to Howard Johnson, plastic, interstate highways, and Standard Television American English. But the reason it's resistant to such phenonema is because it's cantankerous, ignorant, and repulsive.

"The reason the sky is bigger here is because there aren't any trees. The reason folks here eat grits is because they ain't got no taste. Cowboys mostly stink and it's hot, oh God, it is hot. We gave the world Lyndon Johnson and you cowards gave him right back. There are two major cities in Texas: Houston is Los Angeles with the climate of Calcutta; to define Dalls is to add a whole new humongous dimension to bad.


"Texans do not talk like other Americans. They drawl, twang, or sound like the Frito Bandito, only not jolly. Shit is a three-syllable word with a y in it.'

"Texans invent their own metaphors and similies, often of a scatological nature, which is kind of fun. As a group, they tell good stories well. The reason they are good at stories is because this is what anthropologists call an oral culture. That means people here don't read and write much. Neither would you if the Dallas Morning News was all you had to read."

Any wonder she got me through lonely, homesick times? By the way, NYT; she was known in Austin for the French dinners she served friends at her home.

So there. Yankees.

By the way, this is how you edit Ms. Ivins. NYT, take note. Because you get this kind of writing (again, about Texas, her best subject):

"…Should you happen to contravene a law made by the only politicians we've got, this too will become a matter of some moment to you. For example, if you happen to possess six or more phallic sex toys, you are a felon under Texas law. In their boundless wisdom, our solons decided that five or fewer of the devices make you a mere hobbyist."

No comments:

Post a Comment