“Now Starts The Craft Of The Father”

We don’t appreciate the concept of “husband,” now. We think of it in patriarchal terms, which is what we reduced it to. We also think of it as a noun; but it’s still also a verb.

“Animal husbandry” has also fallen out of fashion, probably because it sounds patronizing, which is to say, patriarchal. But we still practice it. In fact, when we think about it, we demand it. “Free range” chickens and “grass-fed” organic beef and “humane conditions.” We think these are new concepts, but they’re the concepts of animal husbandry. And, of course, it’s not an idea that means “married to the animals.”

“Husbandry” means “care for;” “be responsible for;” “do the best for.” The comparable idea in law is “fiduciary duty.” The agent owes a duty to the fiduciary, a duty to put the interests of the fiduciary above those of the agent. It’s the highest duty in law, the most demanding , the highest responsibility.

Which is also what a husband is. Not a position of authority; it’s a role of the greatest responsibility. It’s the craft of the father. Not to rule; to be in authority; to command and control; but to husband. To be responsible. To do the best by; to give guidance and look out for and to care for.

The husband is the one responsible. The father is the one who plies the craft of the father; who learns by going, where he has to go; who is always and for all time, from the moment of birth of the first child, transformed by the responsibility, the duty, of care. A duty that never ends. A duty that makes the father who he is, for the rest of his life. All from that moment of birth.

As Kate Bush sings, he stands outside this woman’s work, this woman’s world: the world, the work, of childbirth. In that time begins the craft of the father.

Pray God you can cope.

For the fathers, and those who have fathers; or even had them. I hope your day today was as good as mine.