Not fast enough

due to a large order placed yesterday, we're all out of hamberders.
just serving hamburgers today.

— Burger King (@BurgerKing) January 15, 2019

So this has taken on a life of its own.  Yascha Mounk, resident hand-wringer at Slate, worries that it is both distracting us from Trump's real problems (because we can only think of one national problem at a time, and the one we think about is the one that will get resolved?  Because magical thinking and sympathetic magic?  I dunno.).  Anyway, focussing on a self-proclaimed billionaire (no, I don't believe it, either) buying fast food for football players to serve in the White House on the best sterling serving pieces under candlelight is "elitist."  Or something:

And so we return, at long last, to Donald Trump and the curious case of serving fast food to the Clemson championship team. No serious political scientist should or would think twice about the implications of this culinary choice, unprecedented though it might be. On the contrary, the media’s obsession with it is harmful not only because much of America will rightly perceive it as an unbearable instance of cultural snobbery—but also because all the attention being lavished on it is liable to distract voters from the assault Trump is currently waging on vastly more important norms. 

Apparently if the media pays attention to this story, it's a problem; if Twitter pays attention to it, well, vox populi, bitches!  Amirite?

In the meantime, Vox reports the real criticism is that Trump's choices of foodstuff is both classist and racist.  Because, of course it is.  And I suppose Trump could have brought in food from his hotel 3 blocks away, though that would have probably meant using dishes and serving burnt steaks.  Still, my criticism of it all is a bit simpler than the economics or even symbolism of "fast food."

Why did he bother?

I get the reason he ordered fast food, one I don't think anybody has touched on, but one that made sense to me the minute I wrote "using dishes."  If there's little or no housekeeping staff in the White House just now, who would do the dishes?  (You want elitism, why has no one else thought of that?)  Could Trump get his restaurant to cater the meal (are they even capable of that?  Again, classist and elitist to assume so.  I actually worked for a caterer once upon a time; it's a lot of work and if you don't have the equipment to transport the food, well; you can't transport the food. And could they clear security to get into the White House to set up and remove everything?).  So that explains the fast food:  easy set up, and little clean up (the guys lighting the candles can wield trash bags, yeah?).  But that masks the other problem.

Cold fast food is shite.  Nothing edible about it.  Warm soft drinks, likewise, especially watered down by the melting ice.  300+ burgers and fries is all but pre-catered (somebody was there to stack the silver with boxes, so....).  Clean up is no dish washing, too.  But cold "Filet-O-Fish" sandwiches?  I'd rather eat sand.  Big Mac's are bad enough, IMHO; a cold Big Mac?  The box would be tastier.

So why did Trump do it?  Because of the shutdown, not in spite of it; he had to prove all was calm, all was bright.  Can't put off the celebration of the college football champs until it's over; by then it's college basketball season (or baseball) and football championships are the stuff of the record books.  But with no staff to serve, or cook, or wash the dishes after, what choice did Trump have?  So he invited them into "the people's house" and served them cold shit.  Seriously.  Who wants to eat fried food at room temperature?  Who wants a hamburger that's as warm as the box it comes in?  Who wants a cold drink as cold as the cup it sweats in?

The problem here is not racism or classism or elitism.  The problem here is:  Trump is a lousy host.  Not to mention a pig:

"I had a choice. Do we have no food for you, because we have a shutdown?" Trump told the team gathered Monday in the White House East Room. "Or do we give you some little quick salads that the first lady will make, along with, along with the second lady. They'll make some salads. And I said, 'You guys aren't into salads.'"

"Or do I go out ... do I go out and send out for about 1,000 hamburgers, Big Macs," Trump said.

(Yeah, everybody's noticed the number went from 300 to 1000 in record time.  Trump lies.  In other news, the sun came up this morning.) It's something of a tempest in a teapot, but honestly:  the guy disgraces everything he touches, including the White House as a place where the President celebrates our national victories on our behalf.

It would have been better if he'd declined to invite them and blame "Nancy and Cryin' Chuck" for the snub.  At least that would have shown some regard of a host for his guests.