Thursday, November 25, 2021

A Woman's Place Is In the Kitchen. With The Turkey Baster

Turkey Basting is: a) useless; b) bad for the turkey, because you keep opening the oven, letting heat out, which has to reset; and, see a); c) went out of style with women in high heels and pearls in the kitchen in frilly aprons instead of manly "KISS ME I'M THE COOK" 'male' BBQ aprons. Which went out with the idea that anything cooked outside by men was "BBQ." d) and let me reiterate:  BASTING DOES NOTHING FOR THE TURKEY!  

If you want a moist turkey (might as well solve the problem, huh?): a) brine it (I don't, but I've had brined smoked turkey, it's excellent); or, without brining, b) roast it at about 350 for 15 minutes per pound, with two cut lemons in the cavity, and about 1/4 cup of olive oil rubbed over it.  If you have a thermometer probe that will tell you when the breast meat has hit 165F, all the better.  Cooking by weight is unreliable; cooking by temperature is the guarantee of annual success.

But for the luvvagawd, DON'T BASTE THE TURKEY!

Seriously; it wasn't the bulb that was lost.  It was the turkey baster that should have been.  The bulb clearly knew it was time to go.

Is there a Twitter thread for "Bad Thanksgiving Cooking Tips"?  Maybe a hotline?
Sounds about right.
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