🐝

It would take a massive team of linguists and semioticians backed by a complex AI to parse whatever the fuck Mumbles McTouchdown just said in that gaggle.

— Rick Wilson (@TheRickWilson) October 6, 2022

It's like Mad Libs & Dwarf Tossing had a love child.

— Cammie Loves Bad Puns 🌻 (@DriveByPunster) October 6, 2022

Wasps in a blender could churn out more sense.

— Operative_X (@OperativeXRay) October 6, 2022

Herschel would definitely fail a Turing test.

— Rob Chappell (@taffygeek) October 6, 2022

All prelude to this:

Asked if he’d contacted any of the mothers of his children, Walker said he had not, asking, "Why do I need to?"

Well, there's no way out now. And no, he hasn't contacted her yet. At least not recently. But a top campaign surrogate has—as recently as late August. Why not now?

— Roger Sollenberger (@SollenbergerRC) October 6, 2022

Against all odds, he repeatedly said Thursday that he didn’t know who the woman was, and he suggested her claims that he is the father of one of her children was false. 

The problem with that story? Walker already confirmed to The Daily Beast in June that this woman was, in fact, the mother to one of his kids.

Although I still think this: 

"Because of the article I had more kids. That’s why I haven’t reached out to anyone, because I said no. And that’s what I mean when I said no, I said it’s not correct, that’s a lie. And that’s what I mean, when that’s a lie,” Walker said.

Doesn’t make any sense at all. The Daily Beast interprets it as contradicting his earlier statements; which some of it does. But taken altogether, it’s gibberish. Wasps in a blender. Mad Libs sleeping with dwarf tossing.

Sometimes metaphor is more enlightening than interpretation. Think of it as a Turing test.